Phil 3:10, Paul simply says, "I want to know Christ..."

Having the privilage to serve the Lord with MR over more then a few years now, I've seen a lot come and go both happily and sadly. What tends to stay or stick in general, can vary depending on the mission point, but not only that, since what tends NOT to stay can sometimes be what is most detrimental. What am I talking about? Simple... 

Here are some things I have learned and gathered from personal experience and inference of others. In and of themselves...
-programs come and go - they teach and show overall how much we know not if we really care,

-block party events, big events, and outside activities are great - meet needs, interact with masses like Christ, but easy for people to get lost in the crowd,

-ministry to physical needs are important - but can easily be done w/o Christ in it, and no prayer no praise to God is given His due many times

-prayer is vital and called for - but the many times we pray only in times of trouble, and that without sacrifce and obedience to accompany it
.. the list can go on..

but what I've seen and feel needs to stick the most, and ironic tends to stick the least, is true heartfelt personal relationship - the ones that in a way shout true love, quality time, faithfulness, consistency in showing up, keeping ones word, loving the unlovely, pleading with these lost loved ones to accept Christ. If Christ is personal to me, how can I afford not want to build personal relationships with others when I share about Him??

 

What we believe and say is love can many times degenerated into simply starting or maintaining this or that program, without true care and concern for building relationships, doing things only because there is nothing better to do.

My rant does not end, but the questions pour in from my personal reflection.
Am I really trusting and following Jesus in my daily decisions in life, not only morally but also socially?How is my personlal relationship with Him - growing, grumbling, or forced? Am I honestly excited about living for Him when I step out into my apartment complex, or do I try to avoid knowing others, hoping to make enough time just to do my "program" and leave? Do I follow His voice when He speaks to me, or attempt to only out of guilt or necessity? Do I think deeply about the relationships I am building with those I have the privilage to minister to, or do I try to validate my excuse of not doing so by assuming they know I care when I show up in their lives once in a while?
Am I praying to build deeper friendships each opportunity I have, or do  I only pray and cry out to Him on behalf of others when I hear things are bad in their life. Am I truly willing to give my life, pour it out to others in deep love and service, like my Savior did for me, or am I only trying to gain the applause of someone else - ministers, friends, family, ego...

I am asking myself constantly, if I truly know Christ, and I am knowing Him more as I live, then am I loving others like Him, and loving them more as I live?